DAY 4 OF WAKING UP EARLY AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP, TALKING ABOUT INSECURITIES AND MORE
To be honest I lost track of how many days have passed by since we started this waking up early.
Nevertheless its been a while since i have been torturing myself and calling it "self "growth."
Last night ( after a lot of whinning about not being able to watch one more episode) we were all set to sleep at a reasonable time which would've allowed us a total 5 hours of sleep but our dogs had a different plan. A new dog decided to wander in our area and all the dog including wrin decided to bark their disapproval at the top of their lungs. Took us an hour and a trip downstairs by kaustubh to shut everyone up.
After the dog drama settled we slept like a baby, I knew in the back of my mind that we had to wake up but in the morning for a split second my bed said "I know your brain wants you to wake up but your heart yearns for some more sleep, lie down while i nurture you back to the world of dreams where your teeth fall off and you keep taking sky high leaps." ( I get weird dreams okay!)
This might sound very shocking but i woke up because i knew we had to shoot a vlog. ( guys at this point if you still don't know that I have a youtube channel then shame on you!
but here's the link please susbcribe to watch me and kaustubh blabber
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVWZ31yjNbQzv8UXzmB-HCQ?view_as=subscriber )
So anyway we both woke up feeling excited about shooting. And now when i think about it we did manage to take good shoots but while we were there i somehow subconsciously kept telling myself that we're doing such a rubbish job. and we shouldn't do it at all. This isn't going as planned ( we didn't plan anything particular which explains why i was feeling so low about it. I enjoy things when they are semi planned)
Anyway, we kept shooting snippets but in the back of my mind i kept telling myself that this is absolutely shit, and idk why you're doing this at all)
I haven't seen the footage yet but I think telling myself that it will be shit is not helping me in any way.
It will only make me feel bad about myself, my work and everything about it.
For the past couple of weeks i've had the same mindset about my work and what i do.
Berating myself to not working at all because i somehow convince myself that i am not doing good enough. Or i am not working hard enough for it, while there are thousands of others who put all of their energy into it.
I know this is not going to get me anywhere. But sometimes i just can't help but feel this weird feeling that i can't put into words.
Its a constant battle between me trying to do my best and knowing that i am not good enough and comparing myself to other people who have probably gone through the same phase and are now doing good because they've overcome their demons.
I on the other hand am trying to learn how to do that.
Social Media does this to you sometimes i guess, you see so many people churning out good content after good content and you somehow feel left behind.
I want to force myself out of this mindset and learn how to take things at my own speed and not compare and criticize myself so much. and let me tell you, it's a very difficult process man!
But there is no way around.
I will keep you posted about my journey.
Wow i digressed pretty hard this time :D
Getting back to today so
We had our regular concoction which was followed by last nights soup for breakfast and some eggs and toast.
Due to lack of sleep i couldn't fight the lethargy and gave in.
Slept for a solid hour or two.
Kaustubh did all of the chores. Sometimes i can't express just how much i appreciate him.
But he is reading this so, hi olive juice you vera much!
Met my bestfriend an hour ago and spent some time with her.
It still baffles me when i think about how many years we've known each other. We never met before even though we were in the same school but we met when we started working at the same company. And we were equally naive when we were in school. So naturally we gelled really well.
Our time at work was the best time. but more about that on some other blog may be.
She is the sweetest person ever.
It was a good day. With a lot of ups and downs.
I am going to end this here because i need to head down for some poker session with la familia.
Will write again tomorrow :)
How was your day?
Let me know in the comment below
Find me on instagram @rasiikaaa
Nevertheless its been a while since i have been torturing myself and calling it "self "growth."
Last night ( after a lot of whinning about not being able to watch one more episode) we were all set to sleep at a reasonable time which would've allowed us a total 5 hours of sleep but our dogs had a different plan. A new dog decided to wander in our area and all the dog including wrin decided to bark their disapproval at the top of their lungs. Took us an hour and a trip downstairs by kaustubh to shut everyone up.
After the dog drama settled we slept like a baby, I knew in the back of my mind that we had to wake up but in the morning for a split second my bed said "I know your brain wants you to wake up but your heart yearns for some more sleep, lie down while i nurture you back to the world of dreams where your teeth fall off and you keep taking sky high leaps." ( I get weird dreams okay!)
This might sound very shocking but i woke up because i knew we had to shoot a vlog. ( guys at this point if you still don't know that I have a youtube channel then shame on you!
but here's the link please susbcribe to watch me and kaustubh blabber
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVWZ31yjNbQzv8UXzmB-HCQ?view_as=subscriber )
So anyway we both woke up feeling excited about shooting. And now when i think about it we did manage to take good shoots but while we were there i somehow subconsciously kept telling myself that we're doing such a rubbish job. and we shouldn't do it at all. This isn't going as planned ( we didn't plan anything particular which explains why i was feeling so low about it. I enjoy things when they are semi planned)
Anyway, we kept shooting snippets but in the back of my mind i kept telling myself that this is absolutely shit, and idk why you're doing this at all)
I haven't seen the footage yet but I think telling myself that it will be shit is not helping me in any way.
It will only make me feel bad about myself, my work and everything about it.
For the past couple of weeks i've had the same mindset about my work and what i do.
Berating myself to not working at all because i somehow convince myself that i am not doing good enough. Or i am not working hard enough for it, while there are thousands of others who put all of their energy into it.
I know this is not going to get me anywhere. But sometimes i just can't help but feel this weird feeling that i can't put into words.
Its a constant battle between me trying to do my best and knowing that i am not good enough and comparing myself to other people who have probably gone through the same phase and are now doing good because they've overcome their demons.
I on the other hand am trying to learn how to do that.
Social Media does this to you sometimes i guess, you see so many people churning out good content after good content and you somehow feel left behind.
I want to force myself out of this mindset and learn how to take things at my own speed and not compare and criticize myself so much. and let me tell you, it's a very difficult process man!
But there is no way around.
I will keep you posted about my journey.
Wow i digressed pretty hard this time :D
Getting back to today so
We had our regular concoction which was followed by last nights soup for breakfast and some eggs and toast.
Due to lack of sleep i couldn't fight the lethargy and gave in.
Slept for a solid hour or two.
Kaustubh did all of the chores. Sometimes i can't express just how much i appreciate him.
But he is reading this so, hi olive juice you vera much!
Met my bestfriend an hour ago and spent some time with her.
It still baffles me when i think about how many years we've known each other. We never met before even though we were in the same school but we met when we started working at the same company. And we were equally naive when we were in school. So naturally we gelled really well.
Our time at work was the best time. but more about that on some other blog may be.
She is the sweetest person ever.
It was a good day. With a lot of ups and downs.
I am going to end this here because i need to head down for some poker session with la familia.
Will write again tomorrow :)
How was your day?
Let me know in the comment below
Find me on instagram @rasiikaaa
Comments
Post a Comment